Alyssa Milano
I'm a big believer in individual responsibility.
In movies, there has always been the Sigmund Freud type of psychiatrist who automatically tells his patient, “blame your mother”. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, that is always the comical solution. “It’s not my fault” seems to be on everyone’s lips these days.
It is obvious that most of the way we live our lives is based on how we were raised, and this can include a phobia or two that we have picked up and made pets of. Once you are an adult however, your choices, good, bad or ugly are your own.
Children who are learning how to relate to the world, start as totally selfish persons who seek only to satisfy their own needs as babies. The whole point of your growing up process is to learn that you are not the center of the universe. You must learn to take responsibility for your own actions. Simply put, if you break it, fix it or pay for it.
Today, the normal path is not quite so clear. A fixed moral code is quite uncommon today. Like a surfer reading a wave, situation ethics makes it possible for people to decide whether honesty is the best policy differently depending on their feelings about the current situation.
I remember an incident where a person I knew to be scrupulously honest did something wrong in my presence and when they were about to get in trouble for it, they lied and afterward explained to me that they would not allow that boss who was quite power hungry and dishonest himself, to gain power over them in this way.
I was quite shocked that absolute honesty did not survive that little test.
Some people find lying so easy it has become part of their normal code. Anytime the slightest shadow is cast on them, not even real trouble, the lie is drawn like a gun and fired. The worst of these folks will lie simply to make themselves look better at someone else’s expense. This disparages that other person’s reputation, but the liar goes about his merry way without a second thought. Not a friend I want to spend time with.
As a personal policy, we should really be honest and ethical at all times, then the perceived need to lie about these things won’t come up in the first place.
Who you really are comes out in the actions you take. Since integrity is so variable these days, the things people do are the real indicators of the moral stand they have. While none of us can look absolutely moral to everyone based on the differing standards all have, we should strive to keep as close as we can to spotless integrity.
Another quote:
One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.
Eleanor Roosevelt
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John F. Kennedy
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.
Hey, what kind of chores do you have planned for today? Are they pretty urgent? While things can occur suddenly and need immediate attention, most often, urgency is created by our own procrastination.
I will be the first to admit that my procrastination on household repairs has been elevated to an art form. My wife will be the second. I must take moment to point out that she is also the most tolerant of wives with the “honey do” list of things that need doing around our home.
Usually things start out being important, but not overtly so. You can adapt to the situation, and soon you are used to it and don’t give it much thought. Later, because of your lack of attention, it gets much more urgent, and the repair is harder to deal with in terms of both time and money.
Urgency has little to do with what needs to be done, it is just that you have an emergency of your own making.
Allowing things to become urgent automatically means you have to put off the really important things, upping the urgency level on those in turn.
How would it change your life if you started to work on the important things early, and didn’t allow the panic of urgency to occur at all? If we all did this, high blood pressure and ulcers would probably be on the decline and less stress would rule the day.
Most of the good, bad, and ugly that happens in our lives is based on our own choices. We are encouraged by society to blame others, but take a good look in the mirror before you take the urgency panic on the road. Chances are that person looking back at you procrastinated to create the situation. It’s time to own up to it, and get some of those truly important things taken care of in your life.
When urgency can‘t be avoided through no fault of your own, a little of the Lamaze breathing normally reserved for childbirth certainly can’t hurt!
The John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum
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