Britney Spears & Jada Pinkett Smith -DOTM044

Britney Spears, Rock Star

 

“Sometimes it’s our secrets that define us.”

 

Secrets are usually things you don’t want others to know about. Hiding the 

truth changes everything. Most of the time it is not even something that is 

so horrible that others would shun us or want us dead. 

 

It is surprising to learn that many times the things we worry about most 

don’t really concern others very much. It changes our behavior because of our 

level of worry, but in the big scheme of things it is actually kind of small.

But there are other types of secrets that can influence your behavior. 

Consider this quote:

 

“A man's true secrets are more secret to himself than they are to others.”

 

Paul Valery

 

There are little subconscious influencers we all live by that we don’t think 

of as secret, but we still use them to make decisions. Interestingly enough, 

these things are many times known about us by the rest of the world. If we 

shouted it from the mountaintops, they would be no more public and obvious 

than they are now.

 

The roots of these things are in life changing experiences we had when we 

were younger. Did you ever stick your finger in a light socket or a fire when 

you were small? Lesson learned. There are plenty of good lessons that we are 

not conscious of that rule us every day.

 

Then there is that other category. I know a lady whose father spent most of 

his time telling her what she thought was worthless, and she didn’t have any 

business saying anything at all. Even when she is not directly thinking of 

it, actually, ESPECIALLY when she is not thinking of it, this rules her 

thoughts and actions.

 

Physical assault is addressed in law. Mental assault, not so much. Damage is 

caused by the little secrets placed in the subconscious minds of unsuspecting 

children. This can be by parents, teachers and other kids. Even trusted 

authority figures can do serious life long harm to the mind of a child simply 

by not being careful in what they say.

 

Be careful not to cause this type of mental damage with your negligence, and 

definitely don’t cause it intentionally. We all know people who have 

interesting phobias that we can see, but are completely hidden and secret to 

the person in question.

 

As my friend Jan says, take a gentle path through life. Many times it is 

better to leave things undisturbed than to mess them up. Just be considerate 

and nice. It is as simple as that.

 

http://www.britneyspears.com/

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Britney_Spears

 

https://twitter.com/britneyspears

 

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Jada Pinkett Smith, Actress and Singer

 

“Lack of confidence is what makes you want to change somebody else's mind. When you're OK, you don't need to convince anyone else in order to empower yourself.”

 

Imagine someone you don’t particularly care for is wrong about something. 

Just flat wrong. I don’t mean something that is likely to get them killed. I 

don’t mean something that is going to negatively affect you or those you 

love. But all the same, you feel the insatiable desire to set them straight.

 

It seems they are not really the one with the problem after all. Isn’t it the 

right of everyone to wrong if they decide that is what they want to think? 

You are totally convinced of the righteous rightness of your position, but 

who elected you king so that your will must be obeyed instead of letting them 

control their own destiny?

 

I think a lot of times it is our fear of being proven wrong that makes us 

loudly proclaim our rightness in such an arrogant fashion. We would be 

mortified to find we really were wrong, and we try to make our position so 

loud that we can hopefully intimidate them into not challenging us.

 

Of course if they do challenge us, then the fall from grace is started from a 

much higher altitude. It is also a much louder and much more public thud when 

you crash and burn.

 

There used to be a game show back in the 70’s called Rhyme and Reason. It 

required celebrities to make up rhymes on the spot, many times with hilarious 

results.

 

My favorite regular actor on the show was Nipsey Russel. He was so good at 

it, that they always had him to make up a rhyme at the end of the show to 

give some good advice to the fans those watching. You know, a thought to take 

with them for the week. Kind of like this show. (hint, hint)

 

My favorite one I heard Mr. Russel say was this:

 

“Be careful of the words you say to keep them soft and sweet. You never know 

from day to day which ones you’ll have to eat.”

 

If lives are in peril over the situation, then press forward and convince 

that person what needs to be done to save lives. There are few situations 

that don’t involve life saving that are so important that your ego can't take 

a small vacation and let the other person continue the thoughts that make 

them comfortable. You know, kind of like the way you like to feel about your 

own thoughts.

 

Simply put, let it go. Surely you can do that every now and then.

 

http://www.jadapinkettsmith.com/

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jada_Pinkett_Smith

 

https://twitter.com/jadapsmith?lang=en

 

 

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Some special "Thanks" are in order for Dana McDonald who gave us the use of a 

very nice studio condenser microphone, and Dana Tucker who donated a mixing 

console that will enable us to capture telephone interviews for the other show I do with my wife Dee, The WV Podcast.

 

Dana Tucker has also interviewed Dee for his own podcast, Podcasters Blog. 

The subject is the complications that can occur when trying to record an 

internet radio show with Sjogren's Disease and other autoimmune disorders. 

 

You can check out the show notes for links on episode 4 of the WV Podcast. 

They will also be included in the show notes for episode 44 of Daggers Of The 

Mind.

 

http://mixlr.com/dana-tucker/

https://www.danatucker.com/

https://www.danatucker.com/podcast/

http://www.podcastingforum.net/

 

 

 

Thank you so much for listening. Links to subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, 

TuneIn and Android phones are available at daggersofthemind.com. While you're 

there, check out The WV Podcast, the other show I do with my wife, Dee.

 

If you are listening on Facebook or Twitter, share it with your friends. It 

only takes a moment, and it helps so much.

If you want to hear quotes from your favorite celebrities or just want to 

tell us what you think of the show, contact us at:

   

feedback@daggersofthemind.com

 

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Roger Moore & Cassandra Peterson -DOTM043

Roger Moore, Actor and UNICEF Ambassador

 

“I've always said if you've nothing nice to say about someone, then you should say nothing.” 

 

When you trash somebody, what actual good does it do? There is an effect, but what does it tell others about that person? Better yet, what does it tell others about you?

Imagine if you will, that what you are telling is the exact, and honest truth. There is absolutely no chance that what you are telling is in anyway of dubious origin. That established, there are times when you may want to tell someone something negative. 

An example. If you have personal knowledge that a certain young man is a habitual date rapist and you see him getting interested in your friend’s daughter, this would be an excellent time to inform your friend of the danger.

If on the other hand, you don’t like the way this young man dresses or you don’t like his attitude, or his piercings, tattoos or even his bow tie, looking at your friend and saying, “I’ll bet he’s a date rapist. You can tell by looking at him.” All you are doing is letting your biases and prejudices make huge leaps in what you are thinking. Find out the facts before you speak, and sometimes don’t even speak then.

A real life example: When my daughter was in school there was a boy who made some unwelcome and shocking comments about what he wanted to do to her. He got in trouble for it and the situation was taken care of through the appropriate channels. A few months later, the principal approached me and told me of an incident of exactly the same nature involving the same boy. He was shocked by my first question. “Is this a new incident, or is it just recycled gossip?”

His experience with fathers was that normally the death of the boy in questions would be imminent if the father was allowed to go and do what he felt like doing. 

My first inclination was find out if this was actually factual, or just the old story making the rounds again. I explained that if he was going along and being honorable and they came down on him again when he had done nothing, it could create a condition where he would begin to believe that there was no benefit at all in correct behavior, and he would revert and become worse than before. Once we knew the truth of it, action could be taken, or not, according to the outcome.

It turned out to be a recycled rumor told by someone who wanted something to shock her friends with. The boy never knew what had happened as far as I know. It was best that way.

I don’t know how his life turned out, but I know at least I didn’t contribute to his downfall if he indeed ever had one.

 

Roger Moore's Personal Site

 

Roger Moore on Wikipedia

 

Roger Moore in the International Movie Database

 

 

 

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Cassandra Peterson, Actress

 

“He is one hundred percent responsible for me getting out of Vegas and going on with my career. Elvis said to me, "You don't want to stay here. This is not a town you should be in." And I don't think if that would've come from anybody but Elvis, I would've done it.”

 

We have to be selective when we take advice. There are basically three criteria we should consider before doing so.

1. Do you trust this person? A basic trust is necessary to even begin to consider taking advice. How long have you known them? Have they ever lied to you or have they taken advantage of you? Many who are so called friends are those users that are trying to get all they can. They will treat you well until there is some advantage they can gain by tossing you over the side. Make sure this is a real friend.

2. What will that person stand to gain if you follow their advice? This is a back up check on the trust issue. If they will gain an enormous amount of advantage, money or fame because of your actions, you had better give point number one a closer look. Sometimes your welfare and theirs can coincide, but if the biggest advantage is theirs, look a little deeper.

3. Does this person know anything about the area they are advising you on?

After the first two are all taken care of and you are sure there is no reason for the person to deceive you, you may realize that, in spite of being totally trustworthy, they have absolutely no idea what is going on in the subject area under discussion. Some well meaning people will give you an answer just to feel smart. They probably don’t mean you ill, they just need to feel important.

All this investigation can be completed in a second or two if you know your friends well.

Advice is a valuable commodity. The easiest way to get a regular supply of good advice is to surround yourself with people you like and respect. It doesn’t hurt at all for them to be diverse as well, since diversity brings different experiences that work well for the entire group to learn and benefit from. Humans are really good at learning from the experiences of others, but unfortunately, many are not inclined to do so.

The quality of advice many times comes down to the quality of the friend who is giving it. Please don’t surround yourself with users. And don’t be a user yourself. There is no reason we have to know everything when there are so many of us around to share knowledge. It works so much better that way.

 

Cassandra Peterson on Wikipedia

 

Cassandra Peterson in the International Movie Database

 

Cassandra Peterson on Twitter

 

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My wife Dee and I are doing a new show called the WV Podcast. Check it out at wvpodcast.com.

 

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Margaret Fuller & Robert Downey Jr -DOTM042

Margaret Fuller, Journalist and Women’s Rights Advocate

 

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it." 

 

Interesting metaphor, knowledge being like fire, huh? Fire is interesting in that a very small quantity can do very large things when it is allowed to grow. It needs air and fuel, and for good or ill, it’s off to the races!

 

Knowledge is one of the things you can give to other people that costs you nothing, but can have a tremendous impact on another’s life. Sometimes you can change a person’s life direction or circumstances dramatically just by giving them that missing piece to the puzzle, allowing them to complete the picture.

 

There is nothing more exciting than that look of comprehension and triumph when they suddenly get it. Really get it. You just handed them the tool they didn’t know existed, and it made it possible to complete their project, or even change their life.

 

It’s really cool for you to realize how much you’ve been able to help. Not that smug pride that shows your immaturity because you knew something they didn’t, but being honestly happy to help is a great feeling and sorely lacking in today’s society.

 

Another obvious benefit is the fact I have mentioned a few times before: everybody knows something you don’t. It is therefore a good bet that other people will want to reciprocate and do you that same favor when you have hit that proverbial brick wall.

 

It’s simply golden rule stuff. “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” It’s kind of hard to be consistently mean to people who are nice to you all the time. 

 

 

A quote from Sonya Sotomayor, Supreme Court Justice

 

“Don’t mistake politeness for lack of strength.”

 

Being nice is not a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign that a person has enough strength to not be afraid of the consequences of being nice if they encounter a generally mean person. You know, a user. 

 

The main problem users have is that once they have made their rounds on all those supposedly weak people, getting what they could with no intention of giving back, they eventually find themselves with no friends when a really big crisis happens. Not very funny.

 

Be free with the knowledge you have gained. You will eventually form a network of reliable friends who know what each is best at, and who to ask advice of when it counts the most. 

 

Proverbs 18:24 

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” 

 

http://www.margaretfuller.org/

 

Margaret Fuller in Wikipedia

 

Margaret Fuller on Biography.com

 

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Robert Downey Jr. Actor

“I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.”

 

There for a while we were all wondering about Robert Downey Jr. He seemed to be getting in a lot of trouble when he had so much going for him. Being arrested can be a pretty demeaning experience, especially for the rich and famous. It can occasionally be a career busting event.

 

This being said, have you ever made a big mistake? You know, a really big, public, can’t get-away-from-it-every-time-somebody-sees-you mistake? Totally embarrassing, even humiliating, it makes you want to move to a new town. Now, the big question is this. Did you learn anything? Robert Downey Jr. learned that when he performed a certain act when he was sober, it followed that as he got more drunk, his behavior deteriorated, and he always woke up with handcuffs on. 

 

Oh yeah, he was also at a police station. While I have a lot of respect for those officers who diligently and honestly keep us safe from evildoers, I do not wish to spend my weekend evenings with them if I can help it.

 

It’s simple math. Alcohol + Robert Downey Jr. = handcuffs.

 

Don’t do anything that you know has a regular bad outcome if you do it. Once you have learned this lesson, what is your next step? Fortunately you have options.

 

Another Robert Downey Jr quote:

“The lesson is that you can still make mistakes and be forgiven.”

 

 Now one from Bruce Lee:

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”

 

 

Psychologytoday.com has a cool post on forgiveness. Check it out. The link will be included in the show notes for Episode 42 at daggersofthemind.com.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201102/30-quotes-forgiveness

 

Robert Downey Jr. in Wikipedia

 

Robert Downey Jr. in the International Movie Database

 

Robert Downey Jr. on Twitter

 

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Don’t forget to check out the new show I am doing with my wife Dee. It’s called the WV Podcast. Hollywood and the national media seem to portray West Virginians as illiterate, and otherwise ignorant hillbillies.

While we know this exists, the purpose is not to whine about it, but to tell the actual and factual stories of the people who make our beautiful state their home.

While we will occasionally have stories about traditional music and lore which is a proud part of our heritage, we also want to meet people who have passions and hobbies that don’t quite fit the traditional mold. Real people live here, and their real stories will be interesting and informative to those who are fair minded enough to want to know us for what we really are.

You can find the show at wvpodcast.com. Check it out. If you know of a clean West Virginia related story that would be good for the show, let us know. Contact us at feedback@wvpodcast.com. 

 

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Ashton Kutcher & Douglas Adams -DOTM041

Ashton Kutcher, Actor

 

“Vulnerability is the essence of romance. It's the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, 'This is me, and I'm interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more important, all that I am not.”

 

Have you ever noticed how backward dating is? You have two people who are desperately trying to act like someone they aren’t going to a place they aren’t comfortable, and trying to look good doing it. Not easy to pull off.

On my first date with Dee, I was conscious of the fact that the guy she had casually dated just before me had a really great car. I had a subcompact car. To make matters worse, the day of the date, my brother borrowed my car and the unfortunate tendency for the back popout window to popout for real occurred that very day. It wasn’t his fault and I knew it. Any other day it would have been fine, but having an inferior car that also had electrical tape around the door face on her side was a little tough to take.

It was bothering me when I picked her up, and I could hear it rattle as we went down the road. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I said, “Do you hear that rattle back there?” She listened and said “No.” I told her the story and she honestly hadn’t noticed the tape or the rattle in the dark.

I was the one with the problem. She was fine. Talking about completely cleared my mind and we had a wonderful date. It also did something else. It served to show me that she couldn’t care less about the kind of car I had, she was going on this date because she found me interesting and if I had picked her up on a motor scooter, she would have been just fine.

I really feel if I had been macho and avoided the situation, my nervousness could have ruined our first date. 32 years later, I am very glad that didn’t happen. She had a completely different frame of mind for the date, and the type of car or its condition was not remotely important. Her reaction to this situation spoke volumes about the kind of person she was, and that this was a relationship worth exploring.

 

Ricardo Montalban

“True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever-growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together.”

 

You find out the most about a person when everything hits the fan. I was not looking for a person who did everything I said and cowered when adversity reared its ugly head. I would give my life to protect her, but if we were in a foxhole under attack, she wouldn’t be hiding, she would be shooting beside me to help save us.

I have said before, she knows me better than anyone else in the world, and loves me anyway. She knows my good, bad and ugly, but is willing to tolerate all of it because she loves me so much. Each day brings new adversity or triumph, but each day also brings a closer love and understanding. I hope someday you can find a relationship like ours.

 

Ashton Kutcher on Wikipedia

 

Ashton Kutcher on International Movie Database

 

Ashton Kutcher on Facebook

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Douglas Adams, Writer

 

“I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.”

 

Mr. Adams is known for his hilarious writing style, but this quote indicates a problem that many people have. Namely, the unwillingness to see evidence that could alter their way of thinking.

We all have value systems that it is said are locked into by around age 20. While we have the capability to learn all of our lives, there are some areas we rope off from the rest of the world and refuse to even hear any evidence that could even slightly adjust the way we see things.

We have built our entire lives on these foundations but we will not inspect these foundations for fear we will find cracks that will cause our house to be condemned. It has the same effect as a child putting their fingers in their ears and saying “lalalalalala” hoping not to hear and therefore being able to ignore the information.

I really feel this is what contributes to what is called the “generation gap”. One generation was raised to believe that life should be a certain way, and is totally unwilling to even look at a minor adjustment. The next generation is just as unwilling to listen to ANYTHING the previous one has to say, just sure that NOTHING good could be added to what they think.

A word of advice that may help. It’s simply this: Just listen. Give a fair hearing to new ideas. If you do, you will occasionally be able to improve yourself as a person. There is also another benefit. If you were courteous enough to hear someone else out, they may then give you the same in return. After all you have earned it.

Many time the truth hurts, but at least make sure you are listening enough to find out what the truth really is, instead of living by information you obtained 50 years ago and have never revisited. Just like insurance coverage, your old policy may not be adequate for today’s realities.

Be ready to gather information that makes you perform at peak efficiency. Not listening can put you at a distinct disadvantage in living your life. The truth is, after all, the truth.

 

Elvis Presley

 

“Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.”

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Douglas Adams in Wikipedia

 

http://douglasadams.com/

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